The Ego Check Every Leader Needs
LEADERSHIP SKILLS
PMA
5/25/20263 min read
Have you ever thought or said: “What a big ego!”, “Of course, they’re always right”, or “They just can’t admit they’re wrong and own their part.”
However, if your next thought was: What about me? Is my ego excessive? What exactly is ego? How do people feel around me?" — this curiosity is actually a sign of humility emerging and a leadership strength.
If you’re curious to understand the ego more deeply and want to get a sense of where yours currently stands, stay tuned — I’ll share a self‑check exercise.
Let’s first bring some clarity to the concept of ego:
What is Ego?
In psychoanalysis, it is the part of the mind responsible for personal identity, boundary formation, reality‑testing, and self‑regulation. It includes both conscious and unconscious processes.
Let’s go deeper into the ego’s core functions:
Identity formation: the mind’s way of defining who you are: your abilities, beliefs, roles, and value. It helps you build a sense of self, but it can also make you hold on too tightly to that self‑image.
Boundary formation: the ability to distinguish what is “you” vs. what is not. You recognize that you have physical, emotional, and relational boundaries.
Reality testing: the ego’s function of distinguishing internal experiences from external realities. It includes recognizing biases, evaluating evidence, and adjusting beliefs as facts change.
Self‑regulation: the capacity to stay grounded in front of “threats” such as feedback or hard truths.
Up to this point, there is nothing wrong with having an ego.
Ego comes from a natural psychological mechanism that develops as we form our identity, protect ourselves, and navigate social hierarchies. It’s not “bad”; it’s part of being human. However, when it becomes overgrown or fragile, it distorts how we lead and relate to others.
Where else does an unhealthy ego come from?
Fear of not being enough. Ego tries to compensate through control, perfectionism, or the need to be right.
Desire for recognition. Humans naturally want to feel valued. The desire to be seen as competent, respected, or superior grows into ego when recognition becomes a requirement.
Need for safety and protection. Ego grows as a defense system. When you feel threatened, criticized, or insecure, ego steps in to protect your status, pride, or sense of worth.
And What happens when ego becomes excessive?
People dismiss criticism, overestimate their abilities, and lose touch with reality.
Decision‑making becomes narrow, driven by personal ambition rather than data or the team’s vision.
People feel threatened by feedback, limiting their learning, adaptability, and accountability.
Trust erodes when a leader takes the credit but deflects blame when something goes wrong.
A healthy ego provides the confidence to decide, the resilience to persist, and the clarity to inspire others through your vision.
So, how can we balance ego (overconfidence)?
Ego is balanced with humility, and humility starts with self‑awareness (the ability to notice your reactions, motives, and impact). The goal isn’t to eliminate ego but to keep it in its proper place, and these two practices allow you to do that.
Humility allows leaders to:
Admit mistakes and exercise accountability
Seek diverse perspectives
Prioritize team success and put people at the center
Stay grounded in both success and failure
Self-awareness exposes blind spots:
Ego hides weaknesses to protect your image. Humility acknowledges them so you can grow. Self‑aware leaders can say: “I didn’t see that, thank you for pointing it out.” That sentence alone keeps ego in its proper place.
Self‑awareness helps you regulate emotional triggers:
Ego reacts fast. Humility responds intentionally. Self‑awareness gives you the pause between stimulus and response, the space where leadership happens.
Self‑awareness keeps your impact aligned with your intention:
Ego focuses on how you see yourself. Humility focuses on how your behavior affects others. Self‑awareness helps you notice:
“Did I dominate that conversation?”
“Did I dismiss that idea too quickly?”
“Did I make it safe for others to speak?”
This is how humility becomes visible.
People naturally follow leaders who are grounded, fair, and self‑aware. Think of humility as something you practice through behaviors like listening, self-reflection, admitting mistakes, being accountable, and sharing credit.
Finally, here is the ego check I promised.
Ask yourself:
When was the last time you admitted a mistake publicly without adding justification or context?
In the last conflict you had, what part of it was about protecting your image?
How do you react to feedback, and what part of your reaction was trying to protect your self‑image?
Whose perspective do you intentionally seek out — and how often — to challenge your own thinking?
What truth about your performance do you avoid because it threatens how you want to be seen?
Humble leaders learn faster because they don’t protect their ignorance. And the moment you shift from observing others’ ego to examining your own, you’re stepping into the mindset of a grounded, self‑aware leader.
Now that you are more aware of your ego, What would you change to cultivate a more balanced ego — one that listens, admits mistakes, and shares credit?
Paola,
Career and Leadership Coach - Lead with passion, enthusiasm, and humanity.